


An Innocent Question?

by theoofoof



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 04:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13495076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoofoof/pseuds/theoofoof
Summary: Noah has a question for Rafael...





	An Innocent Question?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [motherbearof3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/gifts).



> Happy Birthday!! Sorry it's a day late. This week has been the most hectic week at work... ever!

“Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked, looking up from his place by the coffee table. "Can I ask you something?"

“Hmm?” Rafael replied distractedly. He was working on a bullet proof answer tree for a big case that was coming to trial the following week. 

“You know how you and Momma love each other?”

Rafael looked up, surprised at the question. He and Olivia had been dating for just over eight months and besides a couple of questions when they’d first explained it to him, Noah hadn’t really commented on it before. Curious to hear Noah’s thoughts, Rafael put his pen down and gave the little boy his full attention. “Yeah. What about it?”

“Does that mean you’re going to get married?”

If he was surprised by Noah’s initial comment, that was nothing compared to his reaction to his follow-up question. It had come out of nowhere; there had been nothing to suggest that Noah had even been thinking about it. Rafael could normally tell when something was on Noah’s mind, everybody could, because he tended to drop a lot of not-so-subtle hints about it.

Rafel breathed deeply, not really knowing what to say. He didn’t have a specific answer to that question. He wished Olivia would hurry up in the shower. He decided that he would just be honest with the little boy. “I don’t know _amigo_ , maybe, one day. But not yet.”

“Oh.” Noah’s face fell, and Rafael thought he glimpsed tears in his eyes. Maybe honesty wasn’t always the best policy.

Rafael put his papers to one side and slid to the floor, so he was at eye level with Noah. Putting his hand on the little boy’s shoulder, he spoke gently.

“Noah, getting married is a big thing. It something that’s supposed to last the rest of your life. Now I love your Mom but I’m not sure we’ve loved each other for long enough yet to think about getting married.”

That wasn’t entirely true – not on his part anyway, He’d ask her tomorrow if he thought she’d say yes. But, given the short amount of time they had been together, he suspected she would think it too soon. He didn’t, but then, he’d been in love with her for years before they finally got together.

Rafael looked at Noah. “Is that okay?”

Noah nodded slowly. “I guess so.”

Rafael watched as he turned his attention back to his Lego and continued with his creation. When he pressed too hard trying to get a brick to stay in place, half of his model broke off and fell onto the table with a clatter. Noah stared at the wreckage of his hard work for a few moments and sighed. He looked so dejected. “I think I’m going to get ready for bed.” He stood up, eyes trained on the floor.

“Noah, wait,” Rafael called. “Is there a reason you asked about me and your Mom? Did something happen at school?” Lucy had mentioned that the boy had been quiet and withdrawn when she had picked him up from school, but he and Olivia just put it down to tiredness. He’d stayed up past his bedtime the previous evening, waiting for his Mom to get home from work and had been cranky that morning.

At Rafael’s question, Noah walked over to where his school bag hung by the door. He reached in and took out a folded piece of paper. As he passed the sofa, he lay it atop Rafael’s legal papers before continuing on to his room.

Brow furrowed, Rafael picked it up and unfolded it. It was a letter from Noah’s school. He scanned the text and was confused for a moment. But then, he realised. His eyes widened as he began to comprehend what had prompted Noah’s question. And how his answer had probably not helped the situation at all. He leant back against the couch and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing.

That was where Olivia found him ten minutes later after emerging from the bathroom. Still on the floor, his head in his hands. “What are you doing down there?” she asked, an amused smile toying at the corner of her mouth. “Where’s Noah?”

“In his room,” Rafael mumbled, not lifting his head.

Olivia sat on the sofa, next to where Rafael was on the floor, her knees touching his shoulder. It wasn’t like Rafael to be so closed off, and Noah very rarely spent time alone in his room, unless he was asleep. He preferred to be in the living room where he could be the centre of attention.

“Did something happen?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah,” breathed Rafael. When he raised his head to look at her, she was shocked to see his eyes glistening with tears and his teeth worrying his bottom lip. “I fucked up, Liv.”

Olivia didn’t believe anything that catastrophic could have happened – she’d only been in the bathroom for half an hour if that, and she hadn’t heard any shouting, screaming or crying. But whatever had happened was clearly bothering Rafael, so she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and waited patiently for him to elaborate. He slid the letter from Noah’s school across the coffee table to her. She glanced at it.

“A father-son softball game?” she read. She thought she had an inkling as to what might have happened. “Did Noah ask you go with him?”

Rafael let out a shaky breath and Olivia felt fear rising in her stomach. She had known when they started dating that fatherhood had never been part of Rafael’s great life plan. He was all about the work and she respected that. She’d never forced him to spend time with Noah or be responsible for him for any length of time. But he’d made an effort to get to know her son from the start and had offered to watch him a few times when she was working, and Lucy was unavailable. As a result, a flicker of hope had taken up residence; she had started to think that maybe he’d changed his mind about being a Dad. It appeared not.

“It’s okay Rafa,” she told him, struggling to hide the disappointment in her voice. “I’ll speak to him.” She didn’t know quite what she would say, but she couldn’t let this situation carry on.

Rafael picked up on her tone and realised she’d misunderstood. When she moved to stand, his hand shot out to stop her. “No. Wait. It’s not…” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “He didn’t even show me that at first. He asked… he asked if you and I were going to get married.”

Rafael heard Olivia’s intake of breath and kept his eyes trained on Noah’s discarded Lego construction on the coffee table. He couldn’t meet her eye, scared of what he might see there.

“I told him I didn’t know. That maybe, somewhere along the line, that would happen, but that it was a big decision that you and I would have to make together. After that, he handed me the letter and then went off to his room.”

Olivia lay her hand against the back of his neck and he finally lifted his gaze to look at her. “I didn’t know what he was asking Liv. If I had, I would…”

“I know. It’s okay.” Her hand moved upwards to his hair, stroking his dark locks. “We can talk to him, together. Explain.” She stood and reached for his hand. “Come on.”

* * *

They found Noah curled up on his bed, facing the wall, Eddie the Elephant clutched tightly in his arms. Rafael hung back by the door, allowing Olivia to take the lead.

“Noah, my love?” She perched on the edge of his bed and ran her hand down his arm. “Uncle Rafa and I want to talk to you. Can you sit up for me?”

Reluctantly, Noah turned over and pushed himself up the bed until he was leaning back against the headboard.

“Noah,” Olivia continued gently. “Uncle Rafa said you asked a question and then were upset at the answer. Is that right?”

Noah pulled his knees towards him, hugging them and dropping his head. He didn’t want to talk about that.

Olivia tried a different tactic. “I saw the letter about the softball game.”

“I don’t want to go,” he mumbled

“That’s okay Noah. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But can I ask why?”

“Everyone was talking about how their Dads were taking time off work to come and play.”

"Were you asked if you were bringing your father?” asked Olivia.

He shook his head. “No.”

“What happened Noah?” Rafael asked softly, from the doorway.

Noah hung his head. “Nobody asked. They all know I don’t have a Dad. They were mean and started saying that I couldn’t go because then the teams would be uneven. I told them I was going to ask someone, but they didn’t believe me. They started laughing at me and saying no one would ever want to be my Dad because I was annoying and stupid.” His face crumpled, and his little shoulders began to hitch as the tears that had been threatening, finally began to fall. Through the sobs, he cried out. “Why don’t you want me Uncle Rafa? Why don’t you want to be my Dad?!”

Rafael’s chest clenched painfully at Noah’s words. He pushed off the doorframe and rushed to Noah’s side. Sitting down, he scooped the little boy up and set him in his lap. The little boy flung his arms around Rafael’s neck and he clung on for dear life, his tears soaking into the shoulder of his dress shirt. Olivia joined them on the bed and wrapped her arms around them both as far as they would go.

“Sshhh,” Rafael cooed, rubbing Noah’s back soothingly. “ _Esta bien, amigo_.” He continued whispering Spanish words and phrases into his ear until the little boy’s sobs had died down to mere sniffles. When he felt Noah was calm enough to take in what he was saying, Rafael began to speak, softly and calmly. “Noah, I need you to listen to me, okay? I never said that I didn’t want to be your Dad.”

Noah lifted his head of Rafael’s shoulder, tears still running down his face, and stared at him. “But you said…”

“You asked me if your Mom and I were going to get married. I told you the truth, that I didn’t know.”

“But if you don’t get married, you can’t be my Dad. If you wanted to be my Dad, you’d marry Momma.” Noah was getting himself worked up again and Rafael looked to Olivia for help. He seemed to be making the situation worse.

“Noah. Even if Uncle Rafa and I did get married, it wouldn’t automatically make him your Dad. You don’t become a Dad by marrying someone’s Mom.”

“You don’t?”

“No. Being a Dad, or a Mom, is about what you do, every day to look after and love your children. You make sure they have somewhere to live, clothes to wear, take them to school….”

“You make them their favourite breakfast,” Rafael interrupted, “Help with their homework, read to them, hug them, teach them things like how to ride a bike or how to speak another language...”

Tears pooled in Olivia’s eyes as Rafael reeled off a list of all the things he did, or had done, with Noah.

Noah made the connection too. He sniffled and wiped his arm over his face to clear away the tears. “But… you do all those things for me.”

Rafael nodded. “Yeah. And if you want to go to the softball game Noah, I’ll take you because…” He paused and glanced at Olivia. As he’d expected, she’d worked out where he his little speech was going, and nodded her head in approval, mouthing the words, “I love you.”

Smiling, Rafael continued, “as far as I’m concerned, I am your Dad.”

“You are?”

“If that’s okay with you?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Can I call you Dad?” Before Rafael could answer Noah had another thought. “Wait, what’s the Spanish word for Dad?”

“The Spanish word for Dad is Papa or Papi. And you can call me any of those, if that’s okay with your Mom?”

He eyed Olivia and gauged her reaction. She’d seemed happy enough with his declaration, but he didn’t want to overstep.

“Whatever Noah wants, is fine,” she said, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“Then I choose ‘Papi’. I can’t wait to tell Coach Peters that you’re coming to the game!”

Rafael smiled. He knew that there would need to be a conversation after this. A serious one where they talked about the legalities of the decision they’d just made and what the future held for them. For now though, he was happy to sit here on Noah’s bed cuddled up with his girlfriend and his son. His family.

* * *

When he arrived in the office the next day, Rafael asked Carmen what was on in his schedule for Friday afternoon. He knew there was no court date – they were etched in his memory, but he relied on his assistant to keep the rest of his diary in order.

“You have a 2pm meeting with Ms Calhoun to discuss a possible deal in the O’Hara case.”

Rafael grimaced. “Can you call and rearrange it?” he asked, placing his coffee and briefcase on his desk. “I need to leave at half one.”

“Of course,” she agreed, but it was through gritted teeth. Rafael didn’t blame her; Calhoun’s assistant, much like the defence attorney herself, was a bit of a pit-bull.

Rafael removed his coat and hung it on the peg. “I’ll make it up to you,” he offered. “You can leave early one night. Go visit your Grandmother.” He remembered all too well the stress and worry of having a sick, elderly relative and if he could help Carmen deal with that, he would.

“Thank you, Mr Barba. I’d appreciate that,” Carmen flashed him a grateful smile. Her boss may be seen as ‘ _El Tiberon’_ to those who stood opposite him in the courtroom but he was good, fair person to work for.

“So, I can leave you to deal with that?”

Carmen nodded. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” Barba said, taking a seat at his desk and opening his briefcase.

Carmen recognised his dismissal but remained, hovering by the door. There was something different about him this morning. It wasn’t just the revelation that he would be leaving early but his whole demeanour was different. There was still that cocky, smart ass manner to him as he swaggered into the office, but there was something else too. An odd sort of serenity that she wasn’t used to associating with the ADA.

“Was there something else?” Rafael asked, noticing she had remained in his office.

“I was just wondering…” she began hesitantly. “You don’t normally leave early.”

“No, I don’t.” Barba closed the lid of his case. “If there’s something you want know Carmen, just ask.”

“I know it’s none of my business but, are you going anywhere nice?”

“I am… going to a father-son softball game.” Rafael couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face.

“I see.” The surprise was evident in her voice. “I have to say, sir, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“This time yesterday, neither was I,” he admitted. “But it’s good. Although I haven’t played ball in years. I’ll probably be terrible,” he mumbled, turning his attention back to his file.

Carmen bit her lip before replying, “I’m sure Noah won’t mind, sir.”

Rafael raised his head. Carmen had a keen eye and a sharp mind, so it didn’t surprise him that she’d picked up his relationship with Olivia, even though it wasn’t yet public knowledge. They had disclosed to Dodds and McCoy after a few months, but they were the only people who knew outside of his mother, Lucy and Noah. All of whom had been sworn to secrecy. It was difficult with Noah but somehow, they’d made it work. No one they worked with was aware of their relationship or at least, if they were, they hadn’t mentioned it.

That would be something that would be changing soon though. One of a few things. After they’d put Noah to bed last night, he and Olivia had talked, at length about the future. She had asked him if he was sure that being Noah’s father was what he wanted – he’d assured her it was. Then she’d expressed worries about what would happen if things didn’t work out between them. Rafael had assured her that he would still be Noah’s father, even if he wasn’t with her. Noah was in his heart now and Rafael didn’t think he could get him out if he tried. Olivia agreed to the suggestion that she speak to Langan about making Rafael’s status in Noah’s life official.

They’d confessed that they were both in the relationship for the long haul but, as Rafael expected, Olivia thought it was too soon to be thinking about marriage. She did however suggest that they move in together. They agreed that as his apartment was bigger, she and Noah should move in there. So, barring any objections from Noah, the three of them would be living together within the next couple of months.

“Don’t worry sir, I won’t say anything.”

“It’s okay Carmen. It’ll be public knowledge soon enough and then you can shout it from the rooftops for all I care.”

“You know sir, I think I could get to like this new you,” Carmen laughed. “But it’ll take some getting used to.”

* * *

Rafael arrived at the school and approached the fence of the baseball field, peering through looking for Noah. He spotted him over near the bleachers, swinging a pint-sized bat. There was a crowd of about ten children near him, some with their fathers and another group near first base. Rafael strode briskly through the gate and headed towards Noah, glancing at his watch. He’d only just made it in time, thanks to a last-minute call from the DA.

As he drew closer he heard one of the other boys say, “Hey Noah. I thought you said your Dad was coming?”

“He is,” Noah replied, continuing to swing the bat.

“I think you’re just saying that. Everyone knows you don’t have a father! I mean, who’d want an annoying little squirt like you as their son?”

‘God, kids could be cruel,’ thought Rafael. Noah stopped swinging and looked at the boy, who was bigger than him by at least three inches. “I do have a Dad,” he said, sternly.

“Then where is he?” the boy taunted.

When Rafael was near enough, he shouted over the group of chattering kids. “Hey _mijo_! Sorry I’m late.”

Noah’s face sagged with relief. “ _Papi_ ,” he yelled. He threw a triumphant look at his tormentor before jogging over to Rafael.

Not wanting to embarrass Noah in front of the othe kids by picking him up and hugging him, Rafael instead wrapped his arm around Noah’s shoulder and gave him a slight reassuring squeeze. “Ready to play ball?”

“You bet,” he cried out, beaming at Rafael and then at the group of boys who were staring at them with unabashed curiosity.

“Let’s go and find your coach then _mijo_ , okay?”

Noah nodded and led Rafael towards their coach who was standing about ten feet away, talking to some of the other fathers. Rafael was relieved to note that, like him, many of them were dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He didn’t own anything remotely resembling baseball gear so had agonised over what to wear for almost an hour the previous evening, until Olivia had told him to quit being so ridiculous and distracted him with other, more pleasurable activities.

“Coach Peters?” Rafael asked.

The younger man turned to face him. “Yes?”

“Hi. I’m Rafael Barba, Noah’s father.” Rafael held out his hand and the coach shook it, a smile forming on his face.

“Hello. It’s nice to finally meet you!” he declared.

“I’m sorry?”

“Noah’s done nothing but talk about you all week. He told us you had agreed to come and play.”

Rafael beamed with pride at the thought of Noah being so excited. “I’ll admit I’m a little nervous. I’ve never done this before and I haven’t played ball since school. How does this work exactly?”

The coach chuckled. “Most of the Dads are the same, don’t worry about it. I’ll call everyone together in a minute and we’ll divide up the teams. Obviously, fathers play on the same teams as their sons.”

Rafael nodded along.

“And we go easy with the hits when we’re up to bat.”

That wouldn’t be difficult, Rafael thought. He wasn’t exactly the athletic sort. “Got it.”

“Y’know, Noah’s a good little player.”

“That’s good to hear. This will be the first time I’ve seen him play but we’ve tossed a ball around in the park.” They’d spent a long time last weekend at the park, throwing a ball back and forth, getting in some practice.

The coach stepped forward and called everyone together. “Okay boys, gather round!”

The game went off without a hitch. The coach divided everyone up into teams. Nine kids and nine fathers on each team. The fathers played the positions along with the sons and often snatched up balls the boys missed and threw it gently towards its next destination. It was a little crowded, but they made it work.

Rafael was surprised to find himself having fun. He’d had his reservations at first, not wanting to make a fool out of himself or embarrass Noah. It had been a long time since he’d played. But he found himself chuckling lightly when a kid fumbled a play and clapping with enthusiasm when they tagged someone out. The enthusiasm of the other fathers and the coach was infectious. Rafael didn’t think he had ever seen Noah smile so much. They were playing short stop and got quite a few opportunities to get the ball. Mostly, Rafael would catch it when it came toward them and hand it quickly to Noah and let him throw it toward the next base. Their catch practise had paid off, and he could throw it quite a distance.

By the end of the game, both Rafael and Noah were sweaty and tired, but Rafael felt lighter than he had in years. The game had certainly been a good de-stressor. As the boys headed in to change, Rafael walked to the car to grab a drink of water and a clean-t-shirt.

“Nice ball skills, counsellor.”

He looked up to find Olivia perched on the hood of his car. “What are you doing here?” he asked with a groan. He wondered how long she’d been there? How much of his pitiful athletic display had she’d witnessed?

Olivia grinned mischievously. She hadn’t intended to come but the case they were working had broken unexpectedly after a surprise confession from the child’s step-father. Fin and Rollins were processing him and Carisi was liaising with the family, so Olivia had found herself at a bit of a loose end. Glancing at her calendar, she’d been reminded of the ball game and decided to swing by and offer some moral support.

When she’d stepped out of the cab at the baseball field, she was brought her up short by the sight of Noah running to Rafael for a hi-5 after he caught a particularly fast flyball to get their third batter out. The look of joy and exhilaration on her son’s face, combined with the pride and encouragement Rafael had shown as he returned the hi-5 and ruffled the boy’s curls, had her chest swelling with joy and love. While she’d known that Rafael and Noah had gotten along, loved each other even, she hadn’t appreciated just how deeply their love and trust for each other was.

Upon reflection, she realised this was probably because she had always been a participant in their interactions, never really having the opportunity to simply observe the two of them together, alone, before. So, she decided not to announce her presence by sitting in the bleachers with some of the other Moms, but to hang back and watch from a distance,

“New York’s finest ADA running around a school field with a bunch of first graders, I had to see it for myself.”

He popped the trunk and grabbed his water. “May I remind me that it was your son I was doing this for.” He unscrewed the cap of his water bottle and took a large swig.

“I thought he was _our_ son now?” challenged Olivia, gently.

Rafael swallowed and smiled brightly at her words. “Yeah, he is.” It was taking some getting used to, being Noah’s father. Not the actual acts of being a father – as he’d pointed out to Noah the previous week he’d been doing that for a fair while – but hearing the little boy call him Papi, seeing his smile when he called him ‘ _mijo_ ’, and having Olivia refer to Noah as his son. _Their_ son. It still surprised him but at the same time his heart was filled with love and warmth every time.

So,” he continued, tugging the sweaty t-shirt over his head, feeling the cool breeze on his skin, “did I make a complete fool of myself?” He tossed the t-shirt into the trunk and searched for the clean one he knew was in there.

When Olivia didn’t respond, Rafael looked up from the bag he was rooting in. She was quite unashamedly staring at him. He touched her shoulder to get her attention. “Liv?”

She startled at his touch, “Wha-?” and lifted her head to find him smirking at her.

He held up the clean shirt that he’d pulled from the bag. “I think I’d better put this on. You have a dangerous look in your eye and this is a public place. I wouldn’t do for the head of Manhattan SVU and their ADA to be charged with public lewdness.” He pulled the t-shirt over his head and smoothed it down his body. It was a little tight across his abs, which didn’t fully quash Olivia’s desires, but she managed to find her voice.

“You were great out there.”

Rafael narrowed his eyes, disbelievingly. “Really?”

“You went above and beyond for Noah today. You took time off work to be here–"

He shrugged. “Everyone else takes time to off to for school activities with their kids. Why shouldn’t I?”

“Yes, but I happen to know you rearranged a pretty important meeting with Rita Calhoun – pissing her off in the process.”

A cocky smile crept onto his face. “Yeah, but I still got the deal I wanted.”

“Of course you did. But seriously Rafa, you put yourself in a place so far out of your comfort zone today...”

Rafael grimaced. “Was it that obvious?”

“Only because I know you. To everyone else, I’m sure you looked like a regular Dad,” she assured him.

“I hope so, the last thing I want to do is embarrass Noah.”

“You didn’t. Noah doesn’t care about your athletic ability. Out there on that field, all he saw was his Dad… his _Papi_ … playing ball with him.” She placed a hand on his arm. “You were his hero out there today, Rafa.”

He blushed at her words. “I’m not sure I’d go that far.”

Olivia’s retort was cut off by Noah’s excited shout of, “Momma!” as he ran toward them from the changing rooms. He collided with her legs and wrapped his arms around her.

“Hi baby,” she greeted, bending down to hug him properly.

“We won Momma! We won!Our team won!”

“I saw that. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was really good,” he nodded, turning to Rafael. “Thanks for coming with me, _Papi_.”

Rafael ruffled the boy’s curls. “No problem, _mijo_. You played really well.”

“Not as well as you _Papi._ You were the best.”

At Noah’s words, a lump formed in Rafael’s throat. Maybe Olivia was right, maybe Noah did see him as a hero. Although he couldn’t think of a single thing that he’d done that would warrant it.

“I think you were both the best,” Olivia said, sincerity lacing her words. “So, how about we go and celebrate our victory at….” Olivia paused, Noah hanging on her words, hoping his mother was going to suggest what he thought she was. After torturing the child for a few moments, she finished the thought, “The Sugar Factory!”

“Yeah!” Noah three his gym bag into the trunk of Rafael’s car before climbing into the back onto his booster seat. “Come on Momma! Come on Papi!”

Olivia checked her son’s seatbelt before opening the passenger side door. She looked at Rafael over the roof of car. “Yeah, come on Rafa,” she grinned.

Rafael rolled his eyes. The Sugar Factory was hardly his first choice of restaurant and Olivia knew it. Noah, on the other hand, loved it. What kid wouldn’t?

"Okay, but you’re driving home,” he told her, opening the car door. “I’m going to need a large scotch to get me through this.”

If someone had told him ten years ago that this would be his life – father/son softball, loud obnoxious restaurants with mediocre food, a car full of children’s paraphernalia (including the most God-awful music known to man) – he’d have laughed them out of the room. But then he’d met Olivia Benson and in turn, Noah.

He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve the two people who had wormed their way into his heart before he even realised it, but he knew this much… he wouldn’t change a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I didn't make any massive softball faux pas - I'm from England so I don't know the game very well at all.


End file.
